Beulah's Story - Part 2

Spiritual Value and Chronic Illness Series

By Craig Maupin at www.cfidsreport.com

Despite her severe disability, Beulah was living out her dream. She loved family life, her husband, and her children. Despite barely being able to stand, she scrubbed floors, cleaned, and did many chores, chores which required a great deal more effort than they would for a healthy person. She often did these chores on her hands and knees. Despite her joy, it was at this time that the most difficult time of Beulah’s life was about to begin. She was unaware that her life was going to change, taking her on an abrupt detour from her original hopes and plans.

The most trying of times

After she had been married a few years, Beulah, her husband, and her children went to visit her sister in the Northeast. They planned on staying two weeks. It started out like any other visit. Her children played like they would on any other visit to their aunt’s home enjoying their new surroundings.

But as they started the second week, her husband began feeling very ill. He was experiencing chest pains and was admitted to the hospital. At three A.M. the following morning, Beulah received a phone call from the hospital. Her heart sank. She remembered, “At that hour, I knew a phone call could not be good news.” Beulah’s husband had died. Beulah’s world was crushed by the devastating news! Instantly she went from the plateau to the valley below. Her family had been her dream; they meant everything to her.

Without her husband and disabled by a crippling and painful disease, Beulah had three boys to think about—their ages were 13, 10, and 8. She describes that time as the most difficult time of her life. “That was the worst time in my life. I had all the responsibility. But I guess I didn’t think about it at the time. You just do what you have to do. You think of your children, and what they need, and you try your best to do it.”

A great love for others

As I have grown to know Beulah better over time, I have come to appreciate her capacity for considering the needs and concerns of her family above her own. This is one of most consistent attributes she exhibits. Her own needs often are great, but her focus is not on her suffering. When I speak to her, she often speaks of her family's concerns above her own. This attribute was evident in her emotional response to the hardship and heartbreak of losing her husband. At that time, she didn’t grieve so much for herself, as she did for her boys.

“There were certain things I wanted to do for the boys that I couldn’t do. I couldn’t take them places, like fishing and such. I could get my children what they needed, but I wanted to do more.” She describes this time as a time that her heart was heavy, and she turned to God for solace, learning to be thankful for what she had, as well as what He could provide. “We did not go hungry. We were fortunate because the Lord blessed in that way, too. Different things happen that you have no control over, and God sees you through it. He was always there.”

Over the years, Beulah’s illness has worsened. Even as I write her story, she is losing much of her ability to perform every-day tasks many of us take for granted. Almost all of her joints are frozen due to the progression of her illness. Rheumatiod arthritis is gaining a little more ground every day. Such simple tasks as eating and moving her wheelchair are increasingly difficult. These are things that many of us take for granted. “Every day, I get to where I can’t use my arms – more and more. I don’t have much movement left, and that can be scary... It is hard to depend on others, but I have to.”

Yet, despite circumstances that could cause many people to become bitter or angry, she has a gratitude for life’s blessings that is unshakable. “I am not bitter,” she says. “I think I’ve enjoyed my life. I have done many things I have enjoyed.” As I see how she has responded to her newest challenges, as well as how she has responded to past trials, my admiration for Beulah deepens. She has faith, spiritual strength, and a vitality that few possess. Much of her spiritual foundation was forged by her trials and the setbacks she has had to endure.

Finding joy in the hardships

When I became ill with CFS, many of my dreams were also shattered, and my life was set on a different course other than the one I had previously envisioned for myself. This illness was painful then and it is painful now. I have lost much. Through Beulah’s example, I have sought to model my response to my illness after hers in hope that it will be similar to her tremendous example. She has allowed hardship and suffering to shape her heart and mind for the better. She is thankful for what she has, and she takes joy in the smallest blessings. It is an example I would like to emulate in the fire of my own hardships. The learning of this lesson has brought me joy despite the most difficult of circumstances.

But evern more importantly, her example is living proof that I can have spiritual value in spite of my illness! What a liberating idea! In a world that views illness as an indicator of inner weakness, many who suffer from chronic diseases feel that their spiritual value can only be measured by physical prosperity. They are told that they must exorcise sin, balance mystical eastern energies, meditate with more fervor, pray with more faith, and live a good life. If they don’t do these things, they are told that they should not expect to get well – health is a spiritual recompense. Often, many of those who teach this philosophy are blessed with health, and they see their health as evidence of their righteousness or spiritual efforts. But how do these teachers see Beulah, and those like her? Or, are they omitting stories like hers from their assessments? Do they even see her at all?

Beulah's story, an personal antidote to the widespread belief of spirit body oneness

So much of the currently accepted philosophy on spirituality and chronic illness fails to take lives such as Beulah’s into account. She proves that you can thrive spiritually despite the physical condition of the body in which your spirit resides. Could it be that the body is just a container for the spirit, and a sometimes-imperfect one at that? Could it be that the spirit can grow strong despite the body’s imperfections? Could it be that instead of a symptom of spiritual weakness, that disease can be the very thing that can forges both faith and growth? Yes!

I have no doubt that the experience wrought by disease can strengthen the spirit and our faith in a way that physical prosperity can never accomplish. It has happened for me, it has happened for Beulah, and it has happened for many others. Beulah says it best in her own words, “When you are sick, you have to lean on God more.” That is a spirituality that arrives at a peaceful conclusion, not a spirituality we practice to attain more physical prosperity.

Beulah prays often. She sings songs of worship that are sincere and without pretense. But she doesn’t do these things as a means to achieve physical goals, as is often the case. She does them because she loves to do them! There is truly a difference in doing these things out of love and doing them because you view them as a means to a physical end. Beulah lives that difference every day!

Are our views on spirituality and disease part of a tendency to judge by the outside...

But other lessons come to my mind when I think of Beulah. It is these lessons that bring me a different feeling from the feeling of joy and peace I mentioned above. It is a feeling of sadness, a sadness that won’t be remedied until society’s views of the disabled are changed. Beulah’s life has brought to my attention that we live in a world that thinks less of those who are disabled. This is very wrong! This attitude is deeply ingrained in many personal and traditional beliefs, and it is sometimes not questioned or discussed openly.

When Beulah goes places, she is often treated differently than the healthy person who may accompany her. Sometimes, she is simply ignored, and people will speak to the healthy person assisting her as if Beulah needed an interpreter. “People often don’t want to talk to you, and they ignore you and speak to the [healthy] person beside you.”

Beulah has frequently had to deal with insensitive remarks. Sometimes people will not look her in the eye when addressing her. This can happen in church, it can happen in stores, and it is a part of her life just about anywhere she goes. It is evident in these moments, that we have a long way to go in our beliefs pertaining to the inner value of those who are disabled.

I often wonder if many of these attitudes that Beulah has faced in public are representative of a mind-set that is contributed to by the teaching of many respected spiritual leaders concerning spirituality and disease – a mindset that doesn’t look deeply into the hearts of those who suffer from illness. Unfortunately, I think this happens. It is easy to make assessments of someone’s spirituality based solely on their health. It doesn’t require that you get close to them or learn anything about them. Do many of our currently held beliefs on spirituality and disease take into account the visible and remarkable testimonies of people like Beulah? Or, do these views on spirituality keep inspirational testimonies like Beulah’s at a comfortable distance?

Moving Beyond Supersitions and Tradition to Real Examples

Beulah recalled vividly an experience she had at a church some time ago. The church brought in a faith healer/evangelist as a guest speaker. He preached a message that no one should have to suffer from illness. He said that the occurrence of disease should be a thing of the past, because everyone that has real faith will be healed. He said that he had suffered a disease and that his faith had healed him. He urged others in the congregation to have the same faith that he said he possessed, and their physical illnesses would be removed.

At the end of the service, he asked that everyone who suffered from disease be brought to the front of the church. Beulah was taken to the front of the church in front of the congregation. As the hustle and bustle of the healing service went on around her, Beulah broke down and began to cry. Her friend, who was with her, had compassion for her and took her to the car. As Beulah sat in the car, fighting back the tears, he went into the church to speak to the evangelist. We will never know what he decided to say, but perhaps he shared with the evangalist that his friend Beulah did appear to fit into his world view. She had a tremendous spiritual faith and strength that was perhaps unseen to him.

Imagine for a moment, being in Beulah’s position that night. Visualize that it is you instead of her who is being wheeled to the front of a spiritual gathering. After a message has been given that physical health is a simple product of great faith, all eyes are trained upon you, waiting... , watching.

How is your spiritual condition to be judged? Will it be by the body your spirit resides in, or will it be by the true contents of your heart? Many spiritual leaders, like that evangelist, claim that an appraisal of a person’s physical health can tell a reliable story of their spiritual condition. But does it? They claim they can judge faith by physical results. Can they?

When I hear someone teaching that the spirit and the body are one, that illness is a manifestation of spiritual deficits, I can’t help but think of Beulah’s faithful example, her humility, and her strength. I wonder, do they see her spirit as I see it – an outstanding example of faith, spiritual strength, and a positive outlook? Or, is their assessment of spirituality and chronic illness merely skimming the surface of the physical container that encompasses her spirit? Or, are they choosing to keep a comfortable distance from the beauty that lies within?

People who have chronic illness often feel hopeless and spiritually discouraged. They live in a world that makes surface judgments of the hearts and minds of those who suffer from illness in relation to spiritual health. I can offer no greater advice to these sufferers, and even those who judge them, than to look around and get to know someone like Beulah. Find someone like Beulah in your life, and learn a new way of thinking about spirituality and disease -- a beautiful way! I’m glad I did just that!

Next Week - We wrap it up with 'The Search'